December 14, 2003 - 11:17 pm
is this how satisfaction feels? the letter A looks big and empty and hardly speaks at all of the effort placed into it. measuments of all things seem obscure and like complete failures of reality. even in the most normal of circumstances i find myself overcome by the awareness of something more... something bigger. i am being beckoned by a voice that rises above all this clatter, but speaks softer than small town gossip. the voice ressonates and changes all that i've done and am doing. i get too much sleep and too much food and all my needs are seemingly cared for...
but some voice, some call, from somewhere, makes me desire a lack- a lack of safety and a lack of the known. this familiarity feels like a slow working poison, lulling and distracting me from the real issues at hand.
who am i and where am i going.
questions that leave me restless and answers that require change. i cling to nothing, but it feels as though the nothingness that i find myself surrounded by daily is clinging to me and i can't break free for a moment to sit with these thoughts or to decipher the voice that calls more and more loudly each day.
