January 15, 2005 - 3:11 pm
two thousand three was a good year, and i forget that sometimes. i brought drama home with me and she knocks after dark like i'm some kind of ATM. i tell myself i should not expect gratitude but she is ungrateful and i will not answer that door again. through the park today and it was so good to let thoughts flow but that none were so weighty that they stuck except i am thankful, i am thankful. this will not be easy, and i know it. already, the sounds of old voices and laughter seem too stark a contrast from my day of solitude. happy as it all is, cleaning the house and paying the bills are necessities that rarely go noticed or appreciated and this is life and this is transitition. i've never been homesick before. not as at fifth grade slumber parties, not during life in a van, not in all my years of college- until now. it was nice to be cared for and i do not want to be the big girl just yet. i do not want to hear curse words. i do not want all the baggage and stress and emotions of everyone else to fill up my house again. i want divine intimacy and christmas dinner.
